Why Embracing Uncomfortable Feelings Is Good For You!

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but

where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

Martin Luther King Jr.

Many of us have become used to feeling emotionally uncomfortable even if that means living in a constant cycle of despair. Many suffers of trauma possess a natural inclination to stick with the status quo, to resist the unknown, to stay safe. I have often heard those who don’t understand mental health say ‘they are taking the easy road ' or that ‘they need to pull their socks up' However, staying the same or doing nothing often means that the drive to survive is overwhelming or intense emotional feelings are too painful to manage. The truth is, in order to thrive we must begin to learn how to find comfort in the uncomfortable.

 We live in a society where many believe that life is only about creating a perfect life on social media, the pursuit of which creates instant contentment. Whilst contentment is an important part of life, to reach this state of mind we must experience pleasure and pain, fulfilment and suffering, ease and difficulty, love and hate.

By focusing on the comfortable side of life it becomes very easy to cut ourselves off from the full emotional experience and in doing so lose out on psychological growth. One of the things I often say to the women veterans I work with, when I can see pain, a lack of emotional regulation and turmoil etched onto their faces is to relax and be comfortable with the temporary discomfort. Get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Embrace it, hold it, welcome it, allow it and most importantly feel it.

 Emotional dysregulation is frequently seen in people with psychological disorders, addiction, and those engaging in self-harm, it can also be present in women who have experienced Military Sexual Trauma. Many of the women I see also struggle with meta-emotions, in other words struggling with how they feel about feelings. I enjoy working with these clients because they usually don’t come to me saying, ‘I am struggling with meta emotions’ so it can be incredibly empowering and life-changing for them to make the connections through the work we do together and realise how changing the way they relate to their emotions can help them in so many other areas of their life.  

For Example:

 Kelly, (not her real name) recognised that she viewed her PTSD as weak and shameful, the intense meta emotions she experienced made things worse. To prevent herself from experiencing these emotions she avoided situations that triggered her. Through our work, she began slowly permitted herself to feel some of the emotions relating to her military service and stopped avoiding situations. She found it helpful to label the emotions that sometimes appeared and practised emotional regulation skills coupled with compassionate imagery. Kelly practised the use of adaptive coping skills which improved her quality of life and reduced her use of dysfunctional coping strategies. She allowed herself to feel uncomfortable. It was life changing.

 To quote Jason Reynolds;

 “Be not afraid of discomfort. If you can't put yourself in a situation where you are uncomfortable, then you will never grow. You will never change. You'll never learn.”

Paula Edwards Salute Her Project Manager